In two recent articles we have been examining communications and the wisdom presented in the letter from James in the Bible when we are told that “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry^”(James 1:20b NIV). This verse reminds us of three important truths – that listening is of highest importance, that we should be thoughtful in speaking or communicating, and that we must manage our emotions so that we communicate effectively.

To be an effective leader, one must be an effective communicator. For a leader, communication is much more than the transfer of information, it is connection and inspiration. Communication is necessary for developing alignment and executing strategy. Communication is the basis for a relationship of trust and respect, the foundation of leadership.

This wisdom of becoming quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger is applicable to any communication whether it be in the workplace or at home, in a one-on-one discussion or a memo to all hands. In two previous articles we looked at the importance and practice of effective listening and wise speaking (or writing). We now come to the third element of communication included in this verse – the importance of managing emotions.

The last part of this particular verse could have broader implications than just communications. It actually speaks to our need to develop our emotional intelligence. In his book, Primal Leadership, author Daniel Goldman describes emotional intelligence as being composed of four hierarchical domains:

1. Self-awareness – understanding your own emotions
2. Self-management – appropriate control of your own emotions
3. Social awareness – recognizing and understanding the emotions of others
4. Relationship management – dealing effectively with other individuals or teams

The passage from James is speaking more specifically about the need for us to appropriately manage our own emotions, mentioning anger because unchecked anger in communications can be a damaging emotion. There are instances where anger is appropriate and where there is a need to express it. There are also times when a person might feel anger without recognizing the source or might be prone to lash out at either the wrong people or in the wrong way.

More specifically addressing the theme of communication that runs through this particular verse, there is a need to use our emotional intelligence in all communications. In any conversation or communication, we need to exercise all four domains:

1. We need to be aware of our emotions. In a conversation, what is said or the way it is presented can prompt an emotional reaction. Sometimes our emotions can creep up on us. A word or thought can trigger a memory from earlier in the day or earlier in our life. We need to develop our awareness and understanding of our emotions, recognizing and identifying the emotions that are present at any given time and understanding their source.
2. We need to manage our emotions. If we are not strong in emotional intelligence or aware at the moment, emotions can sometimes become a runaway train. We need to train ourselves to first recognize our emotions and then to make rational decisions about whether and how to express them in communications. In the realm of neuroscience, this practice requires interrupting the limbic system that tends to control emotions and giving our prefrontal cortex a voice in interpreting and managing our emotions. The idea is that we are to manage our emotions rather than allowing them to manage us.
3. We need to be aware of emotions in others. In a conversation, this means interpreting the words, the underlying context, and the accompanying body language of the other person for the emotions that might be present. When preparing written communications or delivering a speech, this can mean thinking from the viewpoint of the audience to infer or predict what emotions might be present and to communicate in a way that addresses those emotions. Which brings us to the fourth domain –
4. We need to deal effectively in relationships. This means going beyond recognizing the emotions in the other party, to communicating in a way that helps them recognize and respond appropriately to the emotions that arise within them. Communication in this way resolves conflict and draws people together.

The passage from James focuses specifically on anger because anger can be so dangerous. It can turn a conversation from healthy to hurting or from logical to lethal. Anger can be destructive to relationships. Anger in a conversation has a tendency to escalate back and forth between two parties. What began as a simple conversation can turn into threats, insults, and all sorts of damage. Hence, the advice to “be slow to anger.”

Are you able to accurately recognize your emotions and manage them appropriately? How are you growing in emotional intelligence?