To be an effective leader, one must be an effective communicator. For a leader, communication is much more than the transfer of information, it is connection and inspiration. Communication is necessary for developing alignment and executing strategy. Communication is the basis for a relationship of trust and respect, the foundation of leadership.

The letter from James in the Bible presents important wisdom regarding communication when it reads “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry^”(James 1:20b NIV). This verse reminds us of three important truths – that listening is of highest importance, that we should be thoughtful in speaking or communicating, and that we must manage our emotions to communicate effectively. This article will focus on the first step – being quick to listen. Future articles will look at the other two elements of effective communication – speaking wisely and managing emotions.

Why must listening come first, one might ask? Especially, perhaps, one who is so full of himself or herself that he or she thinks that only their own opinion is important. But a real leader places high value on every person, a value that is equivalent to the value he places on himself. Stephen Covey popularized the advice of “seek first to understand, then to be understood.” This philosophy demonstrates the value of the other person. It also enables our communication to be more effective. Only when we understand the position of the other person are we able to communicate in a way that is responsive to and respectful of the other person’s mindset.

Listening involves more than receiving the words or the information being relayed. Effective listening has these three elements:

1. Receiving the information.
2. Understanding the underlying meaning or purpose of the information.
3. Interpreting the underlying communication from the accompanying emotion and body language.

Sometimes the communication that we receive is simply a delivery of information. But more frequently, the words are only a small part of what is actually being communicated, even when the other person might be unaware of what all is being subconsciously being communicated. An effective listener pays attention to the complete message and interprets the words based on the entire communication.

In order to fully or effectively listen, follow these steps:

• Face the speaker and maintain eye contact.Talking to someone while they are looking elsewhere, such as scanning the room, viewing their screen, or reading, is like trying to hit a moving target. The speaker has no idea how much of the conversation is sinking in. By the listener not focusing on the conversation, the speaker can feel unimportant and frustrated. Instead, the listener should demonstrate the value of the other person and the importance of the information by focusing on the speaker.
• Be attentive and provide feedback.As the listener, be present in the conversation and demonstrate that you are tracking with the information being communicated. This might involve a head nod or occasional comments or questions, such as “I can see how that makes your task difficult” or even a “hmmm” to verify that you are involved and receiving the message.
• Keep an open mind.Listen without judging either the speaker or the information being presented. This is a part of demonstrating our value of other people. Don’t jump to conclusions or hijack the conversation. The speaker is presenting their thoughts and feelings and deserves to be fully heard and understood.
• Hear the entire message.Wait until the message is fully received before forming your response. If the listener is making judgments or organizing a rebuttal while the other person is speaking, they have compromised their effectiveness as a listener and may not hear the message correctly or completely. If the speaker is asking for a solution, wait until the message is delivered and a solution is requested. As humans, and this is especially true for leaders, we can be quick to offer solutions when they are not desired or appropriate.
• Ask clarifying questions, but without interrupting.As the listener, you want to be sure that you clearly understand the entirety of what is being communicated. To do so may require drawing out more information or developing clarity about what is being communicated, including the unsaid elements of communication. As appropriate, use pauses on the part of the speaker to ask questions or verify your understanding. It’s best not to interrupt and, by all means, do not derail the conversation or take it down a rabbit hole.
• Pay attention to what isn’t said.An effective listener takes in and interprets the entire message. This includes the words or information presented, the underlying emotion with which those words are laced, and the body language of the presenter. This is an important part of emotional intelligence, understanding the emotions of others. It is all part of the message, and the unsaid portions can sometimes be even more valuable than the actual information communicated.

A skilled listener values the presenter and demonstrates that value in the way that they receive information. A skilled listener is also able to draw more knowledge out of a conversation by using the tools described. It is often said that we are given two ears and one mouth to demonstrate the importance of listening. The concept of being quick to listen is a reminder of its priority in communication.

Do you communicate in a way that values the other party? Are you an effective listener?