The Power in Powerful Questions

In the previous segments of this series, we defined the Coach Approach as a lifestyle or mindset (we could also call it a habit) of utilizing questions to create meaningful conversations, build relationships, or help others grow. We develop this Coach Approach because we are designed and called to care for and connect with others and because we desire to know and understand the people around us.

A central part of the Coach Approach is the use of coaching questions, or what we most often call Powerful Questions, because that is what we truly want them to be, powerful. Here is my definition: Powerful Questions are questions that prompt real thought and reveal a part of the real person.

Powerful Questions seek to know and understand the other person; they seek thought, opinion, feelings. They are built upon care, desire for connection, and curiosity. They come from a genuine interest in the other person and require the use of deep listening skills where we see beyond just the words. Especially if we are coming from a coaching or counseling role, these questions can be formulated to create reflection, insight, awareness, or goals and action plans.

On the other hand, here are some traits that are counter to Powerful Questions. They are not closed-ended, they are not focused on facts alone. When asking these questions, they cannot be leading questions. They are not provocative, judgmental, or confrontational. They should not be asked in a way that causes defensiveness.

Instead what Powerful Questions are is open-ended, seeking a deeper level of intimacy or understanding, and asked from a posture that is open and accepting of whatever the reply may be. They be asked in a way that is sensitive to the context and the connection that we have with the other person.

In the Bible, Jesus asks more than 300 questions, depending upon how we count them. My favorite is one scene which shows up in three of the gospels in which Jesus first asks a fact-based question, “Who do people say that I am?” and he receives factual answers. Then Jesus asks a Powerful Question, “But who do you say that I am?” This is a great example of a Powerful Question because it seeks deep thought, a statement from the heart, a commitment, an answer based built on authenticity and a willingness to be vulnerable.

What do these Powerful Questions look like? They often begin with what, how, when, or where. They typically start with something like:

• What seems most challenging about…..
• What led to the decision to…..
• Who do you ask for advice when…..
• What was the best part of…..
• When was the last time that you…..
• How do you relax when…..
• If money wasn’t an issue, how would you…..

We often know that we have asked a Powerful Question when we feel the urge to follow it on with another Powerful Question. Another signal of a Powerful Question is silence. It is human nature to fear silence in a conversation. When there is silence in the midst of conversation, it is like a vacuum, sucking us in to fill it with sound. Sometime try pausing for even 15 seconds in the midst of a conversation to see how uncomfortable it feels. But this is not the case with Powerful Questions. In fact, silence is generally a sign of success. It usually means that you have asked a truly Powerful Question that has caused the other person to think deeply.

Here are what I call the “friends of Powerful Questions,” statements that help the question process. They provide a segue, state an intent, or ask permission, opening the door to deep thought and understanding and to the next question.

• “Tell me more about…..”
• The AWE question – “And what else…..”
• State intent with, “I’m curious…..”
• Ask permission with, “Can I ask you more about…..”
• Or, “Would you help me understand…..”
• Reflective listening, with “What you seem to be saying…..”

Powerful Questions are the route to a more meaningful conversation, a deeper relationship, or helping another person to grow. While many of will at first struggle to step into asking such questions, the habit builds a richer life for both those who ask the questions and for the recipients of such questions.

Here are some coaching questions to think about: Are you able to ask Powerful Questions? What are some practices that would help you develop a comfort with asking, or answering, such questions?

This article is part of a series on the Coach Approach and the use of Powerful Questions. For an overview, see the Intro article. Or move on to Part 5 to see how Powerful Questions might be used in different parts of our lives.

Here are some other articles on a similar topic: “The Power in Powerful Questions“, “Ask, Don’t Tell“, “Tell Me More About…“, “Ask Questions Instead of Giving Answers“