In the previous segment of this series, we proposed that human beings are both designed for and are called to care for each other and to connect with each other. The positive side of our humanity is built and demonstrated through caring and connection. Society functions well when its members care for or serve each other and have positive, healthy relationships or connections with each other.

It is difficult to care for and connect with another person from across the room. To care and connect requires that we begin to know and understand the other person. This desire or calling to care and connect, therefore, must prompt in us a natural curiosity. As we move towards the other, we ask ourselves, “Who is this person?”, “What motivates them?”, “What are their hopes and dreams?”, “Where do they struggle?”

That curiosity, in turn, prompts us to ask questions from which we develop this understanding of the other person. In fact, the only way (or at least the most likely way) that we can connect is by asking questions. For the sake of alliteration in our Coach Approach model, we will call these coaching questions, which also differentiates them from simple, fact-focused questions.

Again, by definition the Coach Approach is a lifestyle or mindset (we could also call it a habit) of utilizing questions to create meaningful conversations, build relationships, or help others grow. And here is the model that we use to understand and motivate us to build within ourselves the Coach Approach:

You will notice that the model has arrows that interconnect all of the Four C’s. This is because the Four C’s are not sequential, but they are all interconnected. For example, connection is foundational in that we are designed to be connected with each other and we are called to do so. Yet we are not able to really connect until we know and understand one another, which means that coaching questions are a prerequisite for connection. All of the Four C’s in the Coach Approach model are interconnected in this same way.

Our motivation to build this habit of the Coach Approach in our lives comes first from the fact that we are designed for and expected to care and connect for each other. We are also motivated by the important benefits achieved through exercising this habit of using questions to know and understand the other:

• Create meaningful conversations – Conversations at a deeper level of intimacy.
• Build relationships – People feel valued when we seek to understand and know them.
• Help others grow – More likely to retain and act upon what comes from heart and out through mouth than what goes in ears.

Here are some coaching questions to think about: Are you comfortable asking questions at a deeper level of intimacy, questions that help you know the real person? What might you do to become more comfortable in doing so?

This article is part of a series on the Coach Approach. For an overview, see the Intro article. Or move on to Part 4 to learn about the Powerful Questions that are central to the Coach Approach.