One of the factors that can hold a leader back from being fully effective is the lack of self-acceptance. Without a good dose of self-acceptance, a person can either be blocked from performing to potential or can be deluded into thinking they are more than they actually are. There is a strong correlation between a person’s acceptance of themselves and their acceptance of others. In fact, self-acceptance is often described as a prerequisite for the acceptance of others. And the acceptance of others is a crucial part of establishing a relationship of respect, a necessary foundation for leadership.

There are two distinct aspects of self-acceptance. The first is self-regard, that is, appreciating yourself as a person. The second aspect of self-acceptance is the ability to accept your imperfections.

A positive self-regard can be thought of slightly differently than self-esteem. A positive self-regard is a healthy sense of self, relatively uninhibited by the negative inner narrative. This negative inner narrative, variously described as the critical voice, the inner judge, or the saboteur, is a universal reality, everyone has a critical voice inside their head. This critical voice, when unimpeded, can essentially cripple a person, making them unable to step into unfamiliar or stressful situations, or making them go “all bad” at the slightest hint of critical feedback.

A person with a positive self-regard is not an egotist. In fact, a false bravado is often the sign of person who has not learned how to quiet that critical voice and develop a positive self-regard. Instead, they use this false bravado or show a large ego as a means to cover the inner judge.

A person with positive self-regard understands the critical voice and has learned to keep it quiet or countermanded. This person sees the positives that outweigh the negatives on which the critical voice is focused. Developing this positive self-regard is a process of identifying the negative inner narrative, understanding its erroneous roots or origins, and then correcting it with a more accurate narrative. This more accurate narrative is built upon strong self-awareness.

The second element of self-acceptance is the ability to accept personal imperfections. Again, this element is built on accurate self-awareness. No human being is perfect; every one of us has some flaws. It is not possible to be gifted or talented in every area. A part of self-awareness is understanding both strengths and weaknesses. This ability to accept our imperfections or weaknesses allows us to accept, or even seek, honest and complete feedback. It enables us to seek assistance or to delegate to others those tasks for which we are not particularly well-suited.

Perhaps even more importantly, proper and accurate self-acceptance is the basis for vulnerability, in which we demonstrate or express our humanity and humility. People can only fully relate to us when they feel that there is a basis for connection in our shared humanity. This connection is an important part of building a relationship or trust and respect that leads others to accept or even seek our leadership influence.

How far have you progressed in your self-acceptance? What is preventing you from accepting and showing your humanity to those in your circle of influence?