Listening builds strong relationships. In the first part of this article, we focused on the importance of listening in team settings. Teams are more effective when the leader facilitates group discussions in which the entire team is working together to build a strong, shared knowledge base. In this second part, our focus is on the importance of listening in building interpersonal relationships, one-on-one listening.

Effective leadership is built upon a relationship of mutual trust and respect. Leadership is a gift given by followers only upon the development of this relationship of trust and respect. Listening is one of the most important tools in building such relationships; it is one of the best ways to demonstrate respect for the other.

In our busy lives, it is too easy to rush from one task to another and from one meeting to another, without spending the time to know and understand the people around you. When we rush past the people around us, be it team members, coworkers, or our spouse, we give the impression, perhaps only subconsciously, that they are not important enough to be heard or understood. (That might even be built on a character flaw of a lack of humility or respect for those around us.) On the other hand, if we truly desire to build or grow in relationship, we must develop our understanding of the other person. This includes an understanding of such things as what is important in their lives, where are their struggles, how do they think, how satisfied are they with themselves or their situation, etc. We can develop this understanding only through conversation, with an emphasis on listening to their hearts. This is a deeper listening than simply hearing their words but requires perceiving or drawing out their thoughts and emotions.

Even on a day-to-day basis, drawing out input from individuals on suggestions, conditions, and so forth, even just a “hey, how are you doing?” conversation, provides a feeling of inclusion and being valued. Such conversations build relationship and job satisfaction.

The basic ingredient in these efforts to build relationship is listening. This listening requires the following ingredients:

• Investing the time. It does take time to stop and have a meaningful conversation with the people around us but, if it is considered an investment, it will pay back with interest over time.
• Demonstrating a sincere interest. This interest is driven by positive character traits such as recognizing the value of each individual and considering relationship and the development of people as highly important.
• Listening to understand. Effective listening requires the development of specific skills in which we seek to explore and discover the deeper meanings behind the thoughts and words of the other.

Do you consider listening to others to be of importance? What skills or tools have you developed, or do you need to develop, to do so effectively?

See another article on a similar subject, “Be Quick to Listen.”