It is very easy to intermingle our view of people with our view of their actions, especially when we need to give corrective feedback. When we do so, the natural result is conflict as the other person feels personally attacked and most likely will defend themselves. When we fail to value the person, we make it impossible to build the relationship or trust and respect that effective leadership requires.

I learned the difference between criticizing the person and criticizing the action from my father-in-law, who was a great example of what it meant to be a man and a leader. On the two occasions where my actions angered him, we had discussions. In those discussions it was quite clear that he loved me personally but that he was disappointed in my actions. The discussions centered on my actions and the choices that I had made.

As a leader we need to always value the individual. This is common decency and a necessity for co-existing. It is also a command. In Scripture, the second part of the Greatest Commandment is to “love your neighbor as yourself.^” An effective leader demonstrates humility, valuing others as much as they value themselves.

How do we as leaders demonstrate the value that we place in the people on our team? Here are some suggested practices to incorporate into our daily interactions with the people around us:

• Demonstrate a genuine interest.
• Value their uniqueness.
• Respect their values and beliefs.
• Listen to their thoughts, opinions, and emotions.
• Express gratitude for their contributions.

In her book, Radical Candor, author Kim Scott defines a model of leadership built on radical candor, which she defines as caring personally and challenging directly. This “challenging directly” is a matter of providing clear and proper guidance. We could also describe this type of relationship as “speaking the truth in love.”

How do we then provide guidance that values the person and evaluates performance? Here are some guidelines for effective guidance that evaluates performance:

• Provide guidance from a relationship of personal caring. As mentioned, guidance is best received within a relationship of trust and respect. Therefore, there must be an ongoing dialogue that demonstrates this relationship. Obviously, if the only conversations are those delivering criticism, the guidance will likely not be welcomed or valued.
• Don’t personalize guidance. It is not “you did….” or “you are….” but rather a focus on the actions or behavior. Avoid the fundamental attribution error, that is using perceived personality attributes, such as smart, stupid, lazy, greedy, etc.
• Address specific action or behavior. Guidance is not focused on the person, for example, “you are so smart.” Neither is the best guidance given as general statements, such as “The presentation was good.” Rather, the best guidance focuses on the specific actions or behavior, such as “the logic that was shown in the presentation made it easy to follow” or “the presentation could have explored the alternatives more fully.”
• Frame guidance based on the future. The purpose of guidance is to reinforce the positive performance or to improve the negative. Leaders use past action or behavior to guide people into a better future performance. Therefore, guidance uses the observed performance to either make recommendations for the future or to elicit thoughts about improving performance for the future.

Leadership based on valuing the person and evaluating the performance doesn’t mean that leaders need to accept performance that does not meet requirements or expectations. Part of caring personally is encouraging people to perform to their best. If their best is less than what is required or expected for the position, then perhaps they are in the wrong position. Helping and encouraging them to either grow to meet the position requirements or to find a different, more suitable position is the caring thing to do. This can mean firing a person who is better suited for an opportunity elsewhere. Even firing can be done in a way that expresses the value that we hold for the other person.

Is the feedback that you give helping your team reach their potential and meet expectations?