Leadership – Page 2 – New Horizon Partners

150 Great Coaching Questions

One of the best descriptors of a coaching relationship is the analogy of a stagecoach – a coach helps a person move from where they are to where they want to be. As a coach, we help the client make that movement through the combination of powerful listening and asking powerful questions. Through these two skills, the client discovers answers or direction within themselves that lead to the desired movement.

Coaches most often establish a relationship with a client in which, over time and through several sessions together, the client develops a plan and takes action to achieve the goal that he/she has established for the coaching relationship. Often, we use the G.R.O.W. model to guide the coaching relationship through the process of establishing a Goal for growth or change, examining the Realities around this goal and the process, exploring some Options that the client might use to grow or change, and then defining the Way (some call it Will) that the client chooses to pursue this growth or change.

Below are 150 questions that provide examples of the types of questions that a coach might use within the coaching relationship, to help the client discover and define a plan for growth or change. Every coaching relationship is a little bit different, so these questions need to be tailored to the coach, the client, and the nature of the relationship.

The coaching relationship generally extends over a number of sessions together. While we often use the G.R.O.W. model to guide the overall relationship, the client also sets goals for each coaching session and defines actions to be pursued between sessions. This first set of questions are some examples that might be used at the beginning of each coaching session.

How was your week, two weeks, month?
What’s on your mind today?
How have you grown this week?
What did you learn?
What are you grateful for?
What did you accomplish this week?
Of the actions we talked about last time, what did you accomplish?
What progress have you made towards your goal for our coaching relationship?
What would you like to focus on for our conversation?
What is the biggest issue on your mind today/this week?
Based on the amount of time we have together today, what would be your ideal outcome from our conversation?
What would you like to have achieved by the end of this session?
What would you like to take away from our conversation?
How can our session today help you with the current challenges you are facing?

Once the session moves into coaching, the first session(s) are most likely focused on defining the Goal for the coaching relationship. Questions regarding the Goal might look like the following:

What do you want to get from this coaching relationship?
What is your current biggest problem or challenge?
What’s missing in your life right now?
What would you like more of in your life?
What would you like less of?
What is your desired outcome or goal?
What’s the real challenge here for you?
What is it specifically that you want to achieve?
What would it look like if you were entirely successful?
Describe your ideal outcome from this coaching…
What would you like to happen that is not happening now, or what would you like not to happen that is happening now?
Why are you hoping to achieve this goal? What is the deeper meaning or personal significance that this goal has for you?
What do you want to achieve long term?
When do you want to achieve it by?
What will change if you achieve this goal?
Help me understand why this change is particularly meaningful to you.
Describe this goal or challenge a bit more…
What positive things do you feel will happen if you accomplish what you’re trying to achieve?
If you don’t change this, what will it cost you in the long run?
How would your life be transformed if you changed this right now?
What does success look like?
What do you imagine it would look like if you could accomplish this?
How will you know if you have achieved your goal?
How long have you been thinking about this goal? What are some of the thoughts that you have had about this?
What’s important to you about that outcome or result?
Is this goal pulling you forward or are you struggling to reach it?
Is that positive, challenging, attainable?
What would be your next goal after you achieve your current one?
What’s the bigger picture?

Once a Goal has been defined (or at least a first version of one), coaching moves on to examining the Realities of the situation. Here are some sample questions that demonstrate what this phase of the coaching relationship might look like:

What’s the current situation?
How would you like it to be?
What’s your biggest obstacle to achieving this goal?
What have you tried?
What will happen if you don’t take this step?
What is in your control?
What’s standing in your way?
What’s the cost of not taking action?
What’s the benefit of taking action?
What’s getting in the way of your progress?
What will things look like after you’ve been successful?
What’s worked for you in the past?
When have you been successful in a similar situation in the past?
What did you do to make it successful?
How does this affect the people around you?
Are you focused on what’s wrong or what’s right?
How long have you been thinking about this?
What’s stopping you from taking action?
What will you have to give up in order to make room for your goals?
What qualities/resources do you have to help you?
What are the internal/external obstacles?
What’s the downside of your dream?
What’s the benefit of this problem?
What strengths can you utilize in making this change?
How can you turn this around and have better results next time?
What does your intuition tell you about this?
Have you ever experienced something like this before?
What are some ways this challenge is impacting you or others?
What can you learn from this situation?
Do you have a gut feeling about this?
How do the key principles and priorities you live by apply here?
If you could start over again, what would you do differently?
What specific events led you to that conclusion?
What are you doing to not achieve your goal?
If your main obstacle didn’t exist, how would your life look?

As the client comes to more fully understand the Realities of the situation, she/he is equipped with the information to begin exploring the Options that might exist for moving toward the goal. The coach might use questions such as the following to assist in that process.

What do you see as the first step to accomplishing your goal?
Are there any steps you could take right away that would significantly improve your situation?
What might you do to take you closer after that?
Can you think of some alternatives? Is there another way?
Who might you ask for help? Who else?
What are the pros and cons of this option?
Which possible pathway do you feel prepared to go down?
What would you do if time/money/resources weren’t an issue?
What has worked for you in the past when it comes to situations like this?
How might you draw on that same approach in this case?
Tell me about the resources that would be helpful? How or where might you acquire those?
What might your family or friends suggest that you do?
If a friend were in your shoes, what advice would you give them?
How would you tackle this if time wasn’t a factor?
What option appeals to you most right now?
Imagine you had no barriers, what would that look like?
What else could you do?
Think of someone you respect. How would she/he handle this situation?
What haven’t you considered that might have an impact?
What resources do you need?
What would you have to believe for this option to be right?
What’s the worst that can happen, and can you handle that?
How can you solve this problem so it never comes back?
How can you learn what you need to know about this?
Is this the best option you can imagine or is there something greater?
Which step could you take that would make the biggest difference, right now?
What fears or inner drives are influencing your response? How could you remove those things from the equation so you can make a better decision?
Tell me what you think would happen if you tried doing that?
How might you broaden your current line of thinking?
What has worked for you already? How could you do more of that?
What’s the best/worst thing about that option?
What are the pros/cons of pursuing each option? Which is most advantageous?
What would it cost in terms of time and resources to do this? What would it cost if you don’t do this? What’s the cost if you don’t decide or let circumstances overtake you?
What decision would best align with your faith? What is God saying to you on this?
What will really make the biggest difference here?
If you weren’t scared, what would you do?
What might make the difference that could change everything?

After exploring Options, the client should be ready to choose or define a specific action plan (the Way) with milestones and target dates for moving forward. Here are some sample questions for the Way (or Will) phase of coaching:

Which opportunity or option are you going to pursue?
What is a first step you can take?
What are the steps you’re going to take? What’s the very first thing you will do?
What are the next three steps? What else?
What specific actions will you take to achieve your goal? What is your time frame?
Have you decided to take action or are you just hoping you will?
What are you willing to commit to here?
Who do you have to support you or hold you accountable?
What support do you need to get that done?
When precisely are you going to start and finish each action step?
How might you turn these steps into a plan?
Who needs to know what your plans are?
What will you do now?
When will you do it?
How specifically will you know you’ve completed that action/goal?
What could arise to hinder you in taking these steps?
What personal resistance do you have, if any, to taking these steps?
What will you do to eliminate these external and internal factors?
What support do you need and from whom?
What will you do to obtain that support and when?
What roadblocks do you expect or that require planning?
Have you considered the potential barriers?
Tell me how you plan to overcome these obstacles…
What commitment on a 1-to-10 scale do you have to taking these agreed actions?
What prevents this from being a 10?
What could you do or alter to raise this commitment closer to 10?
What does this accomplishment mean to you?
How will you celebrate that?
To what extent does this meet all your objectives?
Is there anything missing?

At the end of each coaching session, the coach needs to check in with the client to assure that they are both on track and that the client is achieving his/her expectations for the coaching relationship. The client should also have a set of action steps to accomplish prior to the next coaching session. The wrap-up to each coaching session might use questions like the following:

Is there anything else you want to talk about now or are we finished?
What was your biggest win of the session today?
What actions do you plan to take in preparation for our next session?
Are there any other actions that would be helpful before we next meet?
What was most useful for you?
What’s been your major learning, insight, or discovery so far?
Are there any important questions that have not been asked?
What had real meaning for you from what you’ve spoken about? What surprised you? What challenged you?

As mentioned earlier, these are simply examples of the types of questions that might be used in a coaching relationship. Some of these might easily fit into different phases of the G.R.O.W. model or a coach might prefer some other model for guiding the conversation, still using similar questions.

The important thing to remember in coaching is that the coach’s responsibility is to practice powerful listening that leads to powerful questions. The coach’s role is to use questions like these to assist the client in drawing out the thoughts, hopes, dreams, fears, etc. that play a part in the client’s understanding and moving forward.

What other questions do you find effective in coaching others?

Ditch the Annual Performance Review

This article appeared in IndustryWeek and related newsletters in early June 2021 and was in the top 10 of most-read articles for the month of May and into June. The article proposes a more meaningful way of coaching and guiding team members in place of what is often a bureaucratic system of annual performance reviews. Give a read and tell me what you think.

A Case Study in the Value of Powerful Questions

This article, describing the impact of a leader who started the new habit of asking questions rather than giving answers, appeared in IndustryWeek magazine and a variety of related newsletters in May 2021.

‘Tell Me How I’m Doing’: The Three Elements of Effective Feedback

Management often thinks that wage levels or benefits are the most important elements of creating satisfaction in employees. But instead, workers are saying, “Tell me how I’m doing” or “Help me grow and do a better job.”

Of course, they want feedback: It’s necessary to shape their actions and behaviors in the workplace to align with desired culture, established policy, and the leader’s expectations.

For the feedback process to be effective, these three elements must be clearly communicated:

Recognition of a specific action or behavior. This recognition can be either in direct response to something we want to see more of or less of in the future. We often say that “feedback is best served warm,” meaning that it should happen as soon as possible after observing the action or behavior, while it is still fresh and relevant.

The feedback process is not appropriate for addressing job performance, attitude, or other longer-term matters. These are better dealt with through a performance review discussion or a coaching session.

The conversation might begin with a description of the action, such as “the way that you helped the team reach a consensus by drawing each person in was great” or “the three crisp and concise conclusions as you wrapped up your presentation really hit the mark.” Or, in the case of corrective feedback, “the tone that you used in replying to Joe seemed very condescending” or “the facts that you presented don’t support the conclusions that you drew.”

Too often people think that they are providing feedback with a very general statement, such as “great job on the presentation” or “you add a lot to this team.” Such general statements have little value for guiding future behavior, thus not really constituting feedback. The more specific and descriptive our statement, the better guidance it provides for future behavior.

Often feedback is better received when we first ask for permission, especially in the case of corrective feedback. Also, when providing corrective feedback, a bit of positive at the front end makes the recipient more open to the negative. An example might be, “Your presentation was good, with a logical flow of the background information and each slide was a nice, bite-sized addition to our understanding, but may I offer some advice?” and then move into identifying specific opportunities for improvement.

Identify the impact of the action or behavior. There are two components of impact worth sharing: first, how the action or behavior affected the person giving the feedback and second, the broader impact, whether it be on the organization, audience, peers, etc.

Personalizing the impact makes the feedback easier to digest. Did their action, behavior, event, or process make you feel pleased, intrigued, disappointed, angry, confused, excited, etc? If this is important enough to provide feedback, there should be some emotion that arose, telling you that you should address it. Perhaps this is a good time to remind ourselves that, since feedback is important, we may need to train ourselves to notice those opportunities and to respond and provide feedback.

Providing a broader context aligns the person’s performance with the organization’s values and goals. Did an action add value to a meeting or discussion; did it fit nicely into the organization’s desired culture; did it hinder a project or hurt a team’s collaboration?

Again, our goal in feedback is to be as specific as possible in order to tie the referenced action with the results, either positive or negative. Specifics make it more likely for the feedback to be clearly understood and accepted, thus increasing the likelihood of long-term impact. A statement such as “You were rude, and I don’t want that to happen again” has little value. Rather a statement like this is more likely to gain the attention and acceptance of the recipient: “I was disappointed to hear the rude comment you made when you said ___. That sort of comment breaks down the cohesion of our team and makes it more difficult to work together. We want this organization to be a place where each person is valued and accepted.”

Set expectations for future actions or behaviors. Feedback is about identifying what we want more, less, or the same amount of in the future. This requires a statement or a discussion of our expectations relative to the specific action that we are addressing. The feedback process must provide clear expectations for the future. This can be a simple statement, such as, “I hope you continue to find more opportunities to repeat this” or “I trust you understand, agree, and will not repeat this behavior.”

Depending upon the situation, the third step of the feedback process might also include consequences or a plan of action. If we are talking about a serious negative action or behavior, the process may call for identifying the disciplinary action that will take place in the event of a next occurrence. If we have communicated the specific action and the specific impact of that action, it is only natural that a specific consequence be communicated.

On the other hand, the feedback discussion may be related to an action or behavior that is beyond the recipient’s present capabilities. In this case, the discussion may call for either the feedback recipient to create a developmental plan of action or it may require that the feedback provider and the recipient together define a developmental plan.

“The growth and development of people is the highest calling of leadership.” – Harvey S. Firestone

One of the highest priorities for leaders is the development of the people around them. Effective feedback is a tool to guide that development. Spotting opportunities where feedback is appropriate and then providing it in a way that helps the recipient’s development is the best way to guide the growth of the people that we lead. Nudging the actions and behaviors of team members to align with organizational vision, goals, culture, and strategy is the best way to maximize the effectiveness of the organization. As leaders, we need to understand the power of feedback and prioritize the many opportunities for providing it.

This article originally appeared in IndustryWeek magazine in December 2020 and in EHSToday magazine in January 2021, along with several newsletters from Endeavor Business Media.

There’s an Art to Presenting Negative Feedback

This article providing eight tips for making negative feedback positive appeared in IndustryWeek magazine and a variety of related newsletters in May of 2021.

A Leadership Lesson from the Psalms

Without question, King David and his son, Solomon, were the two greatest kings of the Israelites. In fact, they may set the gold standard for any ruler or for any leader. Yes, they both had some moral issues, which we can’t excuse, but their leadership holds many lessons for us as leaders.

Often, we speak about how effective leadership is built upon a strong combination of both character and competency. This passage from Psalm 78 describes how God chose David and how David’s leadership demonstrated just such a combination of both character and competency:

“He chose David his servant

and took him from the sheepfolds;

from following the nursing ewes he brought him

to shepherd Jacob his people,

Israel his inheritance.

With upright heart he shepherded them

and guided them with his skillful hand.”

(The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. (2016). (Ps 78:70–72). Wheaton, IL: Crossway Bibles.)

Here we see that David led Israel with an upright heart and with skillful hands. An upright heart could rightly be understood as strong and positive character. Character can be thought of as who David was at his core. He cared deeply about those that he led. We see in other passages how David put the wellbeing and the development of his people ahead of his own personal needs and wants. He demonstrated the character traits that we see in effective leaders: humility, love for those he led, authenticity, vulnerability, and a passion for their growth and wellbeing.

But his character alone, while extremely important, was not enough to lead well. He also needed a skillful hand, which can be understood as the competencies necessary to accomplish what God had set out for him to do. He was both a strategist and a tactician in battle. He was able to rally, organize, and unite the people that he led. He designed and planned well and he communicated as we only wish we could.

Leadership is built upon a relationship of mutual respect and trust. Character and competence are necessary to develop this respect and trust between leaders and their followers. The proper character might lead to respect, but without competence, people will have a difficult time in trusting that we are capable of taking them where they need to go. On the other hand, the most competent leader will not be respected without the necessary character.

Do you have both the character and the competence of an effective leader? What are you doing to further develop in character and competence?

A Case Study in the Value of Powerful Questions

“Good leaders ask good questions. The best leaders ask the best questions.”

Effective leaders spend much of their time coaching the people around them. They see the value that asking questions provides as they empower people and help in their development.

A friend recently told me about his experience as he began to use powerful questions in leadership. One of the people on his team had sent a message to the effect, “We need a decision on this.” As he related this to me, it seemed almost like an ultimatum and that she was clearly laying the responsibility on him. Since he and I had discussed The Power in Powerful Questions just days earlier, he opted out of his normal pattern of providing a quick decision.

Instead, he paused a couple of minutes and wrote a reply that contained a few questions. He didn’t tell me precisely what those questions were, but they probably went like this: “What do we need to accomplish through this decision?”, What are some of the alternatives that you have already considered and are there others that we should think about?”, “What are the major issues that we face in making this decision?” Knowing my friend, he probably ended his note with a clear and positive statement, such as, “I hope these questions are helpful as you formulate your recommended decision.”

A few days went by without a reply from the team member, and my friend began to have second thoughts. Having stepped out of his normal pattern, what was she thinking? Perhaps she was thinking that he was shirking his responsibility of making all the decisions, or maybe that he was hanging her out to dry on this particularly difficult decision, or that their relationship had been fractured for some reason. A few more days went by and he received a reply that both pleased and surprised him.

Her reply to his questions, which were in place of a quick decision, began with this statement, “Thank you for not making this decision but rather empowering and encouraging me to make a recommendation.” She then laid out the decision that she thought they should make along with the logic that supported it. As he read her recommended decision, he realized that it was much better than any decision that he would have thought of in this case. Being the person closest to this decision and responsible for its implementation, she had the most knowledge and the best perspective. Therefore, with some encouragement, she was able to reach the best decision.

By asking a few powerful questions, my friend had empowered the team member to think deeply and reach a great decision. As this pattern continues, she will no doubt be more satisfied and enthusiastic about her job responsibilities. And, with continued practice and coaching, she will grow in her ability to analyze situations and make decisions. And, by having the responsibility for both the decision and the implementation, she is now highly motivated to make it happen successfully. She is fully bought in.

Many people, when they reach a position of leadership, think that their knowledge and ability to make decisions got them there and that, as the leader, they are now responsible for making most, if not all, decisions. This could not be further from the truth. The most effective leaders make few decisions. They are responsible for the quality of decisions but one of the greatest purposes of leadership is to develop the people around them. To do so, requires asking the powerful questions that “sharpen the saw” for people in the organization so that those closest to the implementation are prepared and able to make those good decisions.

As a leader, are you more likely to make decisions or to ask the questions that help others think and decide well? Do you view this delegating of decision-making as losing your power or empowering others? Which of these, your power or empowering others, is more important to you?

Are You Really Listening?

The most effective leaders are those who are the best listeners. The same is true for the most effective teachers, salespeople, parents, and, for that matter, people. They are experts at listening. They show up ready to do the deep listening necessary to really relate.

Listening is an important part of effective leadership. Indeed, listening is critical to the health and growth of any human relationship. Too often, we humans listen (maybe we should use the term, hear, rather than listen) from a self-centered perspective. How does this affect me? Is there anything here important to me? How can I respond in a way that benefits me? Is there any danger to me in what I hear?

Being understood by others is a basic human need. People feel valued when others seek to know or understand them. This is why listening to understand is such an important skill in relationships; by listening well we demonstrate the value that we place upon the other person. This leads to better communication and also to stronger relationships.

When we think about listening to understand, framing it in the six journalistic questions, that is, who, when, where, what, how, and why, provides a framework for understanding the true content or intent that a person is communicating to us. Some of those questions might seem elementary when we think about a conversation, but we should look at each one more deeply. The “who” is the person that is speaking to us, but in the context of this conversation, who is this person. In other words, what are they all about or what is their nature or personality? For example, is this a person who demonstrates high anxiety when facing change? The “when” is generally right now; we are most often listening in real time, although we might need to use our listening skills in understanding a voice mail or some other past communication. But think more deeply about the when. What are the circumstances that might be impacting the speaker? Have they just been facing a particularly stressful time? The “where” is often right in front of us, although it could be a phone call or message from some other location, which is also generally known to us. But, thinking deeper, what is the environment that might be impacting the speaker?

Not to totally dismiss the importance of those first three questions but listening to understand leans even more heavily on the remaining three questions – “what,” “how,” and “why.” If we truly want to understand and, in so doing, demonstrate the value that we assign to the other person and what they are communicating, then we must be constantly asking ourselves and answering as best we can these three questions. The process of answering these three questions involves an iterative process of examining, inquiring, clarifying, and confirming throughout the conversation. Let’s look more deeply at how these last three questions define the way that we listen to understand.

What are the words being said? The first and most obvious element of listening to understand is to hear all the words. And for most of us, this is no easy task. After a few words we can easily begin to process a response or a solution. Or even worse, our mind can wander someplace unrelated. We need to be intentional about taking in all of the information being presented. The art of reflective listening can help us process, clarify, and retain the words being said. Reflective listening can also expand the information communicated.

How are the words being said? The words are only a part of communication. How it is being said can often determine the real message. While strolling the streets of Savannah, the statement, “I’m so thrilled to be here with you” can communicate joy when said by your spouse, while the same statement from your teenager while rolling their eyes has a completely different interpretation.

How the words are being said includes understanding both the body language and the emotion behind the words. Dr. Albert Mehrabian, professor emeritus at UCLA who is known for his work in studying nonverbal communications, has described the components of human communication as 7 percent spoken words, 38 percent tone of voice, and 55 percent body language. While those percentages might be argued, it is clear that understanding cannot be based on words alone. The words we hear must be interpreted in the context of body language and tone of voice. The bigger picture sets a context for understanding and interpreting the words.

What is actually being communicated? Combining the words that we hear with the body language and emotion or tone of voice that we observe allows a broader or deeper understanding of what is communicated. This deeper understanding again provides an opportunity for reflection, exploration, and clarification through questions and discussion.

Why is it being communicated? While we may never be capable of fully understanding the inner drives, this question provides the opportunity to move to a much deeper level. It moves beyond what is being communicated to an understanding of motivations, background, mindset, attitudes, or other factors that drive the communication. It sets an even deeper context from which to further interpret the communication. Again, the opportunity arises for further exploration and discussion leading to a deeper level of understanding.

While these elements of what, how, and why may define a path to deeper understanding, they can also sound daunting. How do we grow our listening skills to this depth? As with much of what makes a leader, listening to understand is built on a combination of competency and character. The skill is largely a matter of building the habits of paying full attention to the other and being driven by the questions of “who,” “when,” “where,” “what,” “how,” and “why.” The character part is largely these two traits: placing high value on people and relationships and having a high level of curiosity that can then drive our desire to understand. Building these competencies and character traits enables us to listen to understand, which then leads to the relationship of trust and respect on which effective leadership is built.

Are you a deep listener? Do you listen in the context of what, how, and why? How can you grow your competency and character to be a better listener, i.e., to listen to understand?

Feedback for the Team

When we think of feedback, we generally think of those one-to-one conversations in which we, as a leader, seek to nudge the performance of those around us towards some desired or expected model or standard of performance. Feedback is also appropriate and beneficial for teams.

Feedback for a team has the same characteristics as feedback for an individual. First of all, it requires that we pay attention and notice actions and behaviors. It has the same three elements: 1) it recognizes specific actions or behaviors, 2) it identifies the impact of those actions or behaviors, and 3) it sets an expectation for the future for more of, less of, or a continuation of those actions or behaviors. In most ways, feedback for a team follows the guidelines that we use for individual feedback.

There are a few specific additional guidelines that apply to feedback in a team setting. Those are mainly in regard to differentiating between individual and team actions and behaviors.

First of all, provide feedback regarding the team’s performance to an individual only when that individual is responsible for the specific action or behavior. Of course, it is always good to provide affirmation to the individual, such as “Thanks for being part of that team” or “You all did a great job on that team.” And if the specific individual is responsible for specific actions, behaviors, or results of the team, then it is appropriate to give feedback individually. For example, if one person was asked to lead the team but failed to do so, they need feedback regarding their leadership. Or if one individually was clearly responsible for generating the results of the team, recognizing that and encouraging continued results might be appropriate.

On the other hand, providing feedback, especially corrective feedback, to one individual for the joint effort of the team will often be seen as unfair and discouraging. Whenever the actions or behavior that we want to discuss is a team performance, the feedback needs to be given to the team.

The benefits to providing effective feedback to a team fall into three categories, as follows:

Just as in one-to-one feedback, feedback for a team provides guidance for the team as to the behavior that we wish to see more of, less of, or continued in the future. The feedback should prompt the team to adjust the way in which they work together or in the results that they jointly produce as they proceed.
Feedback for the team will have an impact on the future performance of each individual team member.
Feedback for this particular team will impact the performance of future teams as the various team members find themselves in other team efforts and spread the expectations and advice received.

Providing effective feedback to a team may require a bit more effort. As an outside party that is watching over or responsible for the team, some keen observation is necessary to understand the dynamics in the team and to identify when certain individuals are solely or primarily responsible for the identified actions or behaviors. And there is a danger in attributing things inappropriately, either in giving credit wrongly or in placing responsibility on the team when an individual is the culprit or vice versa. An extra level of effort may be required to accurately assess and apply feedback appropriately for the team and team members. But the results can be of great benefit for the organization’s future.

Are you providing enough feedback to teams under your oversight? Are you appropriately distinguishing between individual and team actions and behaviors?

The Coach Approach, Part 7 – Lessons from Mr. Rogers

Fred Rogers, the well-known “Mr. Rogers,” was a great example of The Coach Approach. The Coach Approach can be described as “Making a practice of frequently using within conversations those powerful coaching questions that are based on curiosity with the goal of building connection and demonstrating care for the people around us.”

Fred would have resisted being described as a coach. He would describe himself as “just a person, doing what people are supposed to do with other people.” That is, caring, connecting, being curious, and asking questions in order to build relationships.

The recent movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, stars Tom Hanks in the role of Fred Rogers. The movie uses the relationship between Fred Rogers and Tom Junod (called Lloyd Vogel in the movie), a magazine reporter, assigned to write a profile of Mr. Rogers. Through the developing relationship between the magazine reporter and Fred Rogers, we get to see the character, lifestyle, and beliefs of Fred Rogers. While some parts of the movie are fictionalized for dramatic effect, the character of Mr. Rogers and the development of the relationship with Junod/Vogel seems to be very close to reality.

As we defined The Coach Approach through this series of articles, we developed a model in which the “Four C’s” interact with each other as part of building a real relationship, one that is deeper than the normal surface relationship based on facts and clichés. The movie demonstrated these Four C’s in the life of Fred Rogers. (For more on the relationship between Junod and Rogers, see the article in Esquire magazine, Can You Say…Hero, that resulted from the assignment. Also of interest is the later article that Junod wrote for Atlantic magazine, My Friend Mister Rogers, discussing the movie and the reality that was Fred Rogers.)

Care

It is always difficult to separate caring from connecting because they seem symbiotic. In the movie we see one short scene where Mr. Rogers is praying for a long list of people. Anyone who requested prayer quickly went on Rogers’ list. One of the most telling scenes was when Rogers showed up unannounced and uninvited at the death bed of Junod’s father, just to be with Junod/Vogel and their family during that time. And the basic premise of the Neighborhood television show was to provide quality, caring programming for children, driven by Rogers’ values.

Connect

Fred Rogers was driven to connect, so much that the production company made special efforts to limit the people that might be allowed to interact with Fred Rogers, knowing that every interaction was likely to lead to connection and connection takes time, and time for connection means delays in program production. “We make so many connections here on earth. Look at us—I’ve just met you, but I’m investing in who you are and who you will be, and I can’t help it.” Fred Rogers to Tom Junod/Lloyd Vogel, as quoted in the movie. The movie is largely about the growing connection between Rogers and Junod/Vogel.

Curiosity

As Rogers built connection, he wanted to know more and more about the person on the other side of the connection. And he used that curiosity to then see deeply into the other person.

Coaching Questions

Curiosity by itself is useless unless it comes out in the form of questions. Fred Rogers was full of questions. Some of them seemed like trivial, simple questions while others were the types of questions that made a person stop in their tracks and think deeply.

If you haven’t seen the movie, take the time to do so. Even if you have seen it, perhaps you may want to watch it again with the Four C’s of The Coach Approach in mind. It could be considered a tutorial for building the habit of the Coach Approach and asking Powerful Questions.

Then, ask yourself this coaching question, “How can Fred Rogers be a model for me in building relationships with the people in my life?”

This article is part of a series regarding the use of questions to create meaningful conversations and build relationships. To read the whole series, go back to the Intro article.