Character – Page 4 – New Horizon Partners

Leadership and Self-acceptance

One of the factors that can hold a leader back from being fully effective is the lack of self-acceptance. Without a good dose of self-acceptance, a person can either be blocked from performing to potential or can be deluded into thinking they are more than they actually are. There is a strong correlation between a person’s acceptance of themselves and their acceptance of others. In fact, self-acceptance is often described as a prerequisite for the acceptance of others. And the acceptance of others is a crucial part of establishing a relationship of respect, a necessary foundation for leadership.

There are two distinct aspects of self-acceptance. The first is self-regard, that is, appreciating yourself as a person. The second aspect of self-acceptance is the ability to accept your imperfections.

A positive self-regard can be thought of slightly differently than self-esteem. A positive self-regard is a healthy sense of self, relatively uninhibited by the negative inner narrative. This negative inner narrative, variously described as the critical voice, the inner judge, or the saboteur, is a universal reality, everyone has a critical voice inside their head. This critical voice, when unimpeded, can essentially cripple a person, making them unable to step into unfamiliar or stressful situations, or making them go “all bad” at the slightest hint of critical feedback.

A person with a positive self-regard is not an egotist. In fact, a false bravado is often the sign of person who has not learned how to quiet that critical voice and develop a positive self-regard. Instead, they use this false bravado or show a large ego as a means to cover the inner judge.

A person with positive self-regard understands the critical voice and has learned to keep it quiet or countermanded. This person sees the positives that outweigh the negatives on which the critical voice is focused. Developing this positive self-regard is a process of identifying the negative inner narrative, understanding its erroneous roots or origins, and then correcting it with a more accurate narrative. This more accurate narrative is built upon strong self-awareness.

The second element of self-acceptance is the ability to accept personal imperfections. Again, this element is built on accurate self-awareness. No human being is perfect; every one of us has some flaws. It is not possible to be gifted or talented in every area. A part of self-awareness is understanding both strengths and weaknesses. This ability to accept our imperfections or weaknesses allows us to accept, or even seek, honest and complete feedback. It enables us to seek assistance or to delegate to others those tasks for which we are not particularly well-suited.

Perhaps even more importantly, proper and accurate self-acceptance is the basis for vulnerability, in which we demonstrate or express our humanity and humility. People can only fully relate to us when they feel that there is a basis for connection in our shared humanity. This connection is an important part of building a relationship or trust and respect that leads others to accept or even seek our leadership influence.

How far have you progressed in your self-acceptance? What is preventing you from accepting and showing your humanity to those in your circle of influence?

The Process of Growth

Growth is the ongoing, intentional process of becoming who you were created to be. This applies to growing as a person, as a leader, in relationships, in professional growth, or in other areas of life. Intentional growth is a process of asking questions, finding answers, and taking action. Where and who are you? What do you hope to become? What is the gap that needs to be filled between who you currently are and who you hope to be? What steps of learning and development begin to fill that gap? What action do you need to take? How will you be held accountable? How will you assess your progress? How will you identify the next step or area for growth?

Growth is an ongoing process because we never reach an end state on this earth. We can make continual progress (or more likely, sporadic progress) but we never reach completion or perfection. There are always opportunities to grow further or in new ways to become more of who we were created to be.

What are the areas of growth on which you need to be working? What is your process for growing?

Core Values Drive Choices

The process of defining and communicating the core values of a business has become more popular in recent years. But just as important is the process of defining our own personal core values. Core values are the fundamental or foundational beliefs of a person. These principles guide behavior and can help people understand the difference between what they believe to be right and wrong. Core values set priorities and guide decisions for our life.

Core values are often ingrained into who we are based on family or community values and life experiences. A small percentage of people have made the effort to think through and define their core values. Many people have some idea of what their core values are but rely on those ingrained values. Other people have a mish-mash of loosely-defined or situationally-based values, in essence not knowing or caring what their true core values really are.

As mentioned, core values guide our decisions. They make our lives more orderly or consistent in terms of where we spend our time and energy. Core values guide our priorities and serve as guideposts in life.

If you haven’t defined your core values, how might you do so? It is better not to pick out values from a list. Rather the process of identifying your core values should a process of self-discovery, with multiple steps to draw out of your inner self the values that are already there. The process of identifying your core values is not a one hour process or a one day process. As a process it requires several steps over some weeks or months. Here are some thoughts for a process. It is not necessarily a step-by-step process but following these steps in this order might be helpful.

Start with an open mind. Defining your core values means searching inside for what is important and what drives you. Your values are not anyone else’s values and they may not even be obvious to you. So relax, take a deep breath, and let your mind take you to your values.
Review a list of possible core values. The purpose is not to select your values but rather to start your mind on a discovery process, thinking about what values look like and which ones might be important to you. (Here is one sample list with more than 500 values.) Read the list through and then go back through and circle the values that develop some emotion in you.
Think about some people who have impacted your life or whom you admired because of who they were and what values they exemplified. List some of the values that come to mind.
Think about what you would like your life to exemplify. One way to do this is to picture the eulogies that you would hope to be spoken at your funeral. Another way to think about this is to picture an older you coming into your life to tell you what you did well or not so well. What values do you hear as you think about these scenarios?
Think back to some meaningful moments, some times when you felt particularly satisfied with what you had done or an important decision that you made. What values were you following at that time? In the same way, think back to some times when you might have been angry or disappointed by your actions or decisions. Think about the values that you might have violated that caused your discontent.
Think about your code of conduct. What are the driving values in the decisions that you make? What is important to you? What must you have in your life to be fulfilled? What would frustrate you? What are the values that show up as you consider these?
If you can do so, write a list of the important values that you are discovering. If you have difficulty in developing a list, read through the list of sample core values. Are there more that need to be circled? Highlight the ones that seem really important.
You may have listed or circled quite a few values but a core values statement should typically be 5-7 values, never less than three and never more than ten. If your list is longer than that (and it quite likely is), then it is time to start prioritizing. Think about the core values that you are considering and what each one means to you. Are there some that can be grouped or that simply repeat one thought? Which ones are the highest priority, in other words, the most meaningful or critical to whom you are? Watch ones are good values but not the most important to you? Work on the list, perhaps even going back to some of the previous steps, until you find the 5-7 core values that represent you and what you believe important in your life.
The process is not finished yet. Once you have a draft list of core values, they each need to be tested. Study the definition of each of the ones on your list. Does it ring true? Thing about circumstances or decisions where you might need to stand up for your values or, even more difficult, violate your values. What would this feel like? As you think through each of your core values and the implications on your life and your decisions, you can either verify your list or go back and revise it until it does ring true.

While your core values are foundational to who you are and how you behave, they can change over time as you move through different stages of life or as you mature and grow. Therefore, you may need to repeat this process occasionally.

Core values clarify who we are and how we behave. Developing a set of core values that is true to our life and ourselves provides a vision where we can be content. A clear set of core values makes hard decisions much easier. Of course, if we have a list of core values that is not true, we produce frustration and discontent in our lives. So it is important that we have thought through the process well.

As Mahatma Ghandi said, “Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.”

Have you defined your destiny by defining your core values?

Three Tools for Personal Growth

Are you living life or does it feel like life is living you? There are three important tools that help a leader, or anyone for that matter, take control of the direction of their lives. These are a life purpose statement, a list of core values, and a personal goals document. All three of these tools work together and must have consistency and cohesion. They also all evolve over time as we grow.

The life purpose statement is also sometimes called a life mission or a personal mission statement. It states in one or two sentences what you envision as your passion or calling in life. It answers, at least in part, the question of “why am I here?” It describes how your impact will change the world. The objective of your life purpose statement is to set a stake in the ground regarding your priorities about how you will use your resources of time, energy, and money.

The core values list is the result of examining and deciding which values are most important to you. You can easily find sample lists of potential core values. Some of these lists of sample values have more than 500 values and we could agree that most of them are good values. But your core values list should be the 5-10 values that are of highest value to you. They represent your character and are the personal values that are inviolable in your mind. The objective of the core values list is to guide decision making.

The personal goals document formulates and specifies your most important goals. We often have career goals, family goals, individual goals, short-term goals, long-term goals, and life goals. This personal goals document brings these all together. It is not a long to-do list. It should be the most important things, perhaps 5-10 goals in total, that you hope to accomplish in your life, in the next five or ten years, or in the next year. The objective of the personal goals document is to set a plan in motion.

If you have these tools in place, it is good idea to periodically review them to be sure that they continue to represent who you are and what you hope to accomplish with your life and resouces. If you do not have these tools or are struggling to define them, perhaps a coach or mentor would be helpful. New Horizon Partners, Inc. serves people in leadership, executive, and life coaching and we would be glad to discuss how we might serve you.

Do you have a life purpose statement, a list of core values, and a personal goals document? How have they been helpful to you?

An Attitude of Gratitude

We have all seen the scenario – as some people grow in power and prestige they exhibit more and more of a sense of entitlement. They think that they deserve to be treated special. They should get whatever they want as soon as they ask for it. Nothing is too good for them or maybe nothing is quite good enough to suit them. They shouldn’t wait in line or be patient with other people. Of course, people don’t need to be in a position of power or prestige to feel entitled. We see people all around us exhibit a self-focused sense of entitlement.

A haughty nature or a sense of entitlement makes one appear that they think they are better than those around them. The natural result is to drive people away. A true leader builds a relationship of trust and respect with the people around them. This relationship of trust and respect then grants the right to influence in leadership. Instead of a sense of superiority or entitlement that drives people away, leaders must demonstrate the character traits that build a relationship and draw people in. An important part of the character of a true leader is an attitude of gratitude.

Gratitude demonstrates an appreciation for the people around us and their activity in support of the vision and goals of the team. As a leader, there are many things for which to be grateful, such as –

Grateful for the talents with which we have been blessed.
Grateful for the experiences we have had and the wisdom that has resulted.
Grateful for failures and the learning that has come from them.
Grateful for the opportunities to learn, grow, and contribute throughout life.
Grateful to be granted a position of leadership.
Grateful for the people that work together with us.
Grateful for customers, suppliers, investors, etc.
Grateful for family that provides love and support and an opportunity to build into their lives.
Grateful for community and relationships.
Grateful for the home you live in, the vehicle you drive, the electronic device on which you are reading this, etc.
Grateful for the meals you have had today, for the farmer who raised the crops, for that recent cup of coffee.
Grateful for the person who holds the door, lets you into traffic, mops the floor at the gym, stocks the shelves at the grocery, tells you good morning, etc.

If you do not have a strong attitude of gratitude, here are some ways to strengthen it. First thing in the morning, list all of the things that have brought you to this day. Last thing in the evening, list all of the day’s blessings for which you are grateful, even looking for the benefits that come from negative experiences. Keep a gratitude journal. Look for every opportunity to express appreciation to those that you encounter, wherever and whoever they might be. Gratitude is really a habit that can be developed through practice. A grateful person brightens the lives of those around them and draws people into relationship.

Are you a grateful person? What have you done to build that attitude of gratitude?

Leadership – Unsafe at Any Speed?

I often write and speak about the necessity of leadership being built upon the combination of character and competency. Character is clearly the foundation of leadership. My definition of leadership is influence. People only accept the influence of those that they trust and respect. Trust and respect is earned through character.

In a recent article titled, “Leadership – Unsafe at Any Speed?”, John Childress uses the example of Ralph Nader’s book and his campaign to promote increased safety considerations in the automotive industry to present his thoughts on the importance of character and courage in leadership. Childress makes the point that the automotive industry at the time of the Corvair lacked character in its leadership, and therefore did not take the initiative in adequately designing for safety.

Childress states his belief that character and courage are foundational for leadership and more important than IQ or business degrees. He writes about the need to hire and develop people for character rather than just business or technical skills. Beyond the importance of importance of character for developing the necessary relationships for leadership, Childress writes of the broader impact of character. He states, “Besides the fact that “it’s the right thing to do”, many of the problems that result from internal politics, toxic corporate cultures, waste, pollution and unsustainable business practices could be more easily solved by those in positions of leadership who had real backbones made of character and courage.”

See the full article by John Childress on Dan McCarthy’s blog.

Leadership Is First Character

Much of what is described as leadership development these days is the teaching of skills – communicate better, coach people better, motivate better, provide feedback better, etc. Sometimes what is billed as a leadership program is simply teaching basic, functional business skills. Maybe it goes as deep as developing some emotional intelligence capabilities. These are all well and good, but they have limited impact on a person’s true ability to lead.

Leadership is simply defined as influence. The right to influence effectively is a right given by those that we seek to lead. They give that right to influence or lead to a person who has first earned their trust and respect. Trust and respect is not a result of demonstrated skills. Rather, trust and respect are a result of the demonstration of strong, positive character.

“By themselves, character and integrity do not accomplish anything. But their absence faults everything else.” – Peter Drucker

Leadership ability is a combination of character and competency, but character must be the foundation upon which leadership is built. However, it is more difficult to assess character. Competencies can be easily discussed and evaluated. They tend to be at the surface and on display. Character is below the surface; it is the virtues, values, and beliefs that drive the thoughts and actions of a person. Therefore, character must be experienced rather than measured. But it is the quality of a person’s character that provides the ability to build a relationship of leadership for the long term.

Because competency is more visible at the surface and character lies beneath the surface, many organizations make the mistake of hiring based on competencies when they are seeking to fill a leadership position. Time then reveals whether the choice was good or bad as character is discovered. Rather, it is much preferable to hire for character. Skills are easily taught. Character is not quickly taught. Character, instead, must be molded over time with an intentional effort of growth and development.

Do you have the character of an effective leader? What are you doing to further develop your character?

The Value of Vulnerability

Vulnerability. The word alone is enough to make some of us uncomfortable. Yet, vulnerability is a necessary ingredient of any relationship of depth and value. If we recognize that effective leadership is based in relationship rather than position, then vulnerability must be a part of our character.

Historically those in leadership positions (and others) were encouraged to never show emotion. “Never let them see you sweat” was the mantra. We often learned to put up our force field in order to not feel or show any emotion.

Fortunately we have learned that leadership is not the same as dictatorship and that professionalism doesn’t require stoicism. Instead we have learned that effective leaders are those that draw people to follow. And people only follow those that they trust and respect. They will only trust and respect those to whom they can relate. Effective leadership requires building a relationship of trust and respect in order to influence people and that means that some level of vulnerability is a requirement. Without vulnerability only weak connections are possible, not the level of trust and respect that we need to influence well.

Vulnerability should not be viewed as weakness or being wimpy. In fact, vulnerability is a sign of strength. It says, “I am comfortable with who I am and I have the courage to allow others to see the real me.” Vulnerability is being genuine and taking risks in relationship. Dictionaries often define vulnerability as the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally. Brené Brown, the social researcher, defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” In other words, vulnerability is letting those in relationship see our emotions as a part of our humanity.

Vulnerability is a requirement in any meaningful relationship. Whether the relationship is in our marriage, with our children or wider family, our close friends, or in the workplace, they all require vulnerability to build depth. If the relationship is going to have depth or strength, it must involve connection deeper than the weather, sports, and the tasks for today. A true relationship touches on emotions. In her book, Daring Greatly, Dr. Brown says. “Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable.”

Focusing now on the role of vulnerability for leadership in the workplace, let us examine what the leadership relationship looks like both with and without vulnerability. Without vulnerability –

others are held at arm’s length
therefore the perception that others have of us can be de-humanizing, they struggle to relate to us
therefore, we are not known
therefore, we cannot really know others
therefore, we cannot see and understand the motivations and challenges that those around us face in their roles and responsibilities
therefore, we are not likely to connect in a way that motivates and inspires.

As a leader without vulnerability, we can be perceived as either uncaring or a superhuman that feels no emotion. Either way, we are standing off from those around us. In summary, it’s difficult to build a relationship of respect and trust without some vulnerability.

On the other hand, a proper level of vulnerability on the part of the leader in the workplace provides the following:

a recognition by others of our humanity and equality
a connection that we all have some level of anxieties and frailties
an openness to understanding and empathy (in both directions)
the ability to relate to one another at a level that fosters trust and respect.

In the workplace, vulnerability is built upon a level of authenticity and transparency. This doesn’t mean pouring out all of the problems you face at home or in other personal relationships. It does mean sharing with those on your team some of the emotions that come as part of responsibility and decision-making including struggles with fear, uncertainty, perhaps even what that critical judge is telling you. Taking responsibility for a failed project or initiative is one small yet concrete example of a leader practicing vulnerability. Vulnerability is about being a real human being and allowing others to see and know us. This builds connection. Only by doing so can we build a true relationship of trust and respect that invites those around to follow.

Are you comfortable and courageous enough to be vulnerable and allow those in relationship to see and hear the real you? Being vulnerable requires a strong level of emotional intelligence. How are you doing with that?

Attitude Drives Action

In leadership a positive attitude has many benefits, both personally and corporately. It makes the leader more productive. It influences those around us to lift their attitude and helps them be more productive. We are no doubt familiar with situations where a negative or defeatist attitude puts a cloud over the organization and saps energy.

A positive attitude helps a person to be more creative and open, producing ideas for new and better ways to move forward. A positive attitude makes thinking about the future attractive rather than foreboding. Positive people are more confident. While the stress of a negative attitude saps energy, a positive attitude provides more energy to accomplish the tasks before them. Positive people approach tasks with expectations of accomplishment and success. Obstacles seem smaller when approached with a positive mindset; it is easier to see solutions when we expect to continue moving forward.

A positive attitude is infectious. Positive people are more likeable and develop relationships more easily. Therefore, a leader with a positive attitude is more likely to draw positive people into her team. The attitudes of leadership are generally reflected in the culture of an organization. A positive attitude in a leader leads to a positive culture, especially in a smaller organization.

A positive leader and culture is more likely to encourage a positive attitude in the people in the organization. Therefore, the positivity of the leader trickles down into more energy, creativity, and productivity from the people in the organization. So a positive person not only attracts other positive people but also leads those around them to become more positive.

A negative attitude can result from a negative self-critic; low self-esteem; high levels of stress, fear, resentment, or anger; or past experiences. Depending on the circumstances, a more positive attitude can be developed with some work. Some of the tools for building more positivity in life include the following:

Choose to look at the bright side and be optimistic.
Replace a negative self-critic with more positive self-affirmation.
Be grateful.
Develop positive relationships; seek out positive people.
Keep things in perspective.
Have fun.
Exercise and manage your health.

Does your organization have a positive culture? What steps are you taking to be more positive?

It’s What’s Inside that Counts

Leadership is the result of the combination of character and competency. Character is the far more important ingredient.

“It’s what’s inside that counts” may sound like a trite marketing statement. But leadership is influence and that influence is based on establishing a relationship of trust between leader and followers. Followers want to know that their leader is capable and competent. They want to have confidence that the leader can make good choices and guide positive change. But before they place trust in the skills of the leader, they must first be able to place their trust in the person of the leader. They need to see what is inside.

Another popular saying is appropriate here. “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” Followers entrust their careers, their livelihood, even their health and safety into the control of a leader. Before they are willing to go all in they need to see the character of the leader and make a judgement as to the trustworthiness of the person. Character shapes the relationship that leaders have with followers. It is the foundation of a trusting relationship.

Character can be defined as the traits, values, and virtues that guide the decisions that a person makes. It is what’s inside a person that defines how they will interact with others. Some of the most important character traits necessary to build this relationship of trust are the following:

Honesty
Forward-looking / Vision
Positive outlook / Confident / Inspiring
Results oriented
Empathetic / Caring
Openness / Approachable / Personable
Flexible / Resiliency
Principled / Integrity
Authenticity / Vulnerability
Humility

Without the character of leadership followers will hold back their loyalty and commitment. The results then are a half-hearted effort, limiting productivity and innovation.

Both character and competency can be learned or built, but character requires more effort. Building competency is a matter of learning new skills. Building character is more often a matter of changing what we think and who we are.

Do you have the character of a leader? How are you further developing your character to become the best leader possible?