Author: Ken Vaughan

Ken is a business strategy consultant and leadership coach. His passion is helping companies and people grow and succeed. He also provides leadership content for IndustryWeek magazine, EHSToday magazine and several newsletters of Endeavor Business Media. For more than three years Ken also wrote articles on leadership for PolymerOhio Manufacturing Sevices targeted at small- to medium-size manufacturers. Sign up for our quarterly newsletter on the Resources page.

Correction vs. Criticism

The two words, correction and criticism, may sound similar but they can often result in very different results. Correction provides the opportunity to build up while criticism often tears down.

To begin the explanation of the difference between correction and criticism, I will provide a personal illustration. I was raised in a family in which love and acceptance was conditional based on how well or quickly the assigned chores were completed. After I married, my father-in-law demonstrated a different pattern. I recall two occasions when my actions made him angry and he confronted me. In those discussions he clearly pointed out the error in my actions. While addressing my actions, it was quite clear that his love for me and acceptance of me was beyond question. His focus was on the actions that he considered out of line and in need of correction.

This is the essence of the difference between correction and criticism. Correction flows out of care for the other in an effort to improve the future behavior. Criticism too often becomes, or at least can feel like, a personal attack that harms pride or ego.

Since leadership is built upon a relationship of mutual trust and respect, criticism damages such a relationship. On the other hand, correction has the opportunity to further build up the relationship of trust and respect.

Correction, when done well, has the following traits. To demonstrate, we will imagine a scenario in which we are on the factory floor and happen upon an associate that is assembling his or her product in an inefficient manner.

  • Instructional – Correction explains the better action or behavior and the difference between what has been observed and what is preferred. For example, we might tell the associate that, in our experience, we have found putting the parts together in a different order is easier.
  • Practical – Correction doesn’t require a lot of information, just the basic facts communicated in a way that is easy to understand. For example, we might roll up our sleeves and demonstrate the way to assemble the parts.
  • Devoid of ego – Correction is best offered when we are on equal footing. This is communicated by our words, by our tone of voice, by our facial expressions and body language, and so forth. For example, as we explain the assembly technique, we might mention that we also struggled with understanding how those parts should best go together when we first saw them.
  • Personal – Correction is best received in a context of caring communication. For example, as part of the discussion with this associate, we might ask about family or other interests.

Correction has the potential to accomplish two important purposes, to improve future behavior and to build the relationship of trust and respect that is foundational for leadership. Therefore, correction is an investment that pays dividends.

Have you developed the habit of providing correction that is devoid of pride and ego? Have you eliminated critical words and attitudes from your interactions with others?

Empty Praise Has Empty Value

Praise or affirmation is often confused with feedback, but they can be quite different. Praise or affirmation is generally a statement meant to pick someone up or make them feel appreciated. Praise is often something like “Atta boy/girl!” or “Nice job!” Praise can be like the slap on the back that a coach gives a player in the midst of the game. There may be little time for anything else, but it is a bit of recognition. Praise can have more to it than just a simple affirmation statement, growing towards real feedback. Before it can be called feedback, however, it must have these three elements:

  • Identify the specific action, behavior, event, or process.
  • Describe the impact of the action.
  • Set the expectations for future action, behavior, events, or processes as more of, less of, or keep on.

Surely there are times when a simple affirmation or “Attaboy!” is called for and is sufficient, just as the coach in the middle of a game. The danger comes when that is the extent of the recognition that is provided. One quick affirmation statement now and then when part of a context of clear communication and effective feedback is fine. Maybe two in a row is OK. But when that is all that is provided, those praise statements can soon be seen as empty. And when they are empty praise, they have no value. In fact, the habit of empty praise can soon become an anachronism or an irritant.

Empty praise as a habitual pattern communicates some mix of the following to the team member:

  • You’re not noticing my contribution. If the praise is simply an “Attaboy!”, one must wonder whether there was any recognition of a certain behavior that is being called out. Or is it just words that are said out of habit and without meaning. Do you actually see me?
  • You do not care about performance. If the praise is simply given in passing, it might not communicate the impact of the behavior, either personally or organizationally. Am I part of the team?
  • You do not care about my development or growth. Real feedback is always focused on the future, providing guidance for both the performance and the development of the person. An empty bit of praise provides little in terms of direction. Do I have a future here?

Sometimes we can be in such a hurry that we rush past the need to communicate. Empty praise takes little time and little thought. Providing effective feedback is a form of strong communication and takes some effort. The result of providing effective feedback, however, is a stream of dividends.

Are you taking the time and making the effort to communicate and develop your team members?

Leaders Lean In to Negative Emotions

We all must face negative emotions from time to time. We might get into a discussion with someone who is angry about an organizational decision or we might find it necessary to mediate a heated disagreement between two team members. It’s also possible to find ourselves in a meeting with someone who is just having a bad day and wants everyone around them to experience it as well. While we might prefer positive emotions, negative emotions such as anger, sadness, jealousy, anxiety, etc., are a reality of life. We experience these emotions ourselves as well as interacting with those around us who have their own.

There is a natural human reaction to negative emotions in other people. Our limbic system, the part of our brain that is responsible for reflexes and emotional responses, senses negative emotions as danger. The brain’s automatic reaction to danger is to protect us by choosing one of three possible courses of action – flight, fight or freeze. This explains why, when facing negative emotions, one might instinctively find an excuse to escape the situation (the flight response) in order to avoid the emotion and any discussion of it. The fight response is the natural reaction to fire back in anger when confronted with negative emotions and commonly occurs when anger is the negative emotion being displayed. A fight reaction would typically result in an escalation of the negative emotion. If not reacting in either flight or fight, the third, less common reaction would be to simply freeze, unable to respond in any way.

Leadership is built on a relationship of trust and respect. While the three reactions described above are natural self-protection responses to the danger that our subconscious brain interprets, all three of them have a large potential to damage the relationships leaders have with those around them. Rather than building relationships, these reactions cut off relationships or fire back negative emotions that undermine trust and respect.

To effectively deal with negative emotions, a leader must learn to recognize these situations early and build the capacity to “lean in” to negative emotions. This requires building some character traits and competencies that will help during these interactions. Before we are able to lean in to negative emotions, we must learn to block our reflexive reactions. This requires, first, developing our emotional intelligence so that we are able to quickly and accurately recognize the emotions in others. (This is sometimes called the third domain of emotional intelligence. For more discussion on EQ, see the article from May 2017.) Once we are able to identify the negative emotions in others, the second skill that we need to develop and utilize is the ability to keep the limbic system from taking control and, instead, maintain control of our reaction through the thinking part of our brain, the pre-frontal cortex. This is a matter of developing the habit of analyzing and responding with thought in emotional discussions, rather than allowing our reflexes to take control.

Developing the ability to lean into negative emotions may also require some character development, as we need to value the people with whom we interact, value the relationship, and have the courage to face difficult discussions. If we value the people and the relationship, we will have a natural curiosity about what is happening within the other person. With the character traits in place that enable us to lean in, the next components are developing the communication skills to effectively enable us to explore and understand the emotions that we are facing and the story behind them.

The actual process of leaning in involves acknowledging the emotions, asking questions to gather an understanding, validating the emotions, and verifying our understanding. The leaning in conversation may start with a statement such as, “I can see that you are angry about the decision to ___; please tell me more about why this bothers you.” From there, you might ask some follow-on questions to deepen your understanding. Validate feelings through statements like, “I see that the impact of ___ might make you feel ___.”

Validation during the leaning-in conversation does not mean that we agree with the emotion or with the story that is in the other person’s mind. It is simply an expression of understanding. The leaning-in conversation should not be an effort to refute or reverse the negative emotions. An implication that the person is wrong for having these negative feelings is counterproductive or even destructive. Emotions are not wrong, they just are. The conversation to understand can help the other person to process those emotions. Defending ourselves or other people during this conversation is also counterproductive. There may be an opportunity to clarify facts during the discussion, but the focus of the conversation must be first and foremost, to understand the emotions and the story that lies behind them.

By leaning in to negative emotions, we as leaders demonstrate our humanity and our care for the other. This builds relationship. Gathering an understanding of what lies behind the emotions will help you as a leader to resolve any current issues or to be cognizant of potential issues in the future. In the process, the conversation is likely to diffuse some of the negative emotions, proving that leaning in pays off in many ways.

Are you able to lean in to negative emotions? What are the ways to grow in this ability?

 

(Note: This article, or one very similar, was originally published in a monthly leadership blog that I wrote for PolymerOhio Manufacturing Solutions.)

Powerful Questions as the Feedback Process

Among the responsibilities of leadership are the development of the team and enabling the development of team members. Providing effective feedback is a crucial part of this growth and development within an organization. Feedback provides the means of encouraging and increasing positive behaviors and actions and discouraging or eliminating negative behaviors and actions. In a previous article we described the Three Steps of Effective Feedback as the following:

  • Identify the specific action, behavior, event, or process.
  • Describe the impact of the action.
  • Set the expectations for future action, behavior, events, or processes.

We often think of feedback as something that we present to the recipient in the form of statements or critique. But feedback in the form of powerful questions can be just as effective or even more effective when done well. Using powerful questions as feedback has the advantages of –

  • Prompting reflective or deep thinking regarding actions and behaviors on the part of the recipient.
  • Drawing these perceptions out of the recipient into the light of day and into conversation.
  • Developing ownership of the impact of these actions and behaviors and the action plan on the part of the recipient.

On the other hand, feedback in the form of powerful questions can be challenging. Providing feedback well is a skill that must be developed. Asking powerful questions is also a skill requiring significant growth in most people. Putting these two together, effective feedback and powerful questions, now represents a formidable development process for many leaders. Yet, the benefit can be well worth the effort required to learn and build these habits.

To demonstrate, let’s look at a possible feedback session after a team member has presented to the group. The conversation might look like the following:

Leader: “Thanks for the presentation. I appreciate the effort that you put in on this project.”

(Always good to start with some affirmation to build rapport.)

Leader: “Could we process together how this presentation went? Do you have some time now or should we schedule some time later today?”

(Good to give the recipient some decision-making power but still making it clear that we are going to have a feedback conversation.)

Leader: “What were some of the most effective parts of the presentation?”

(Start with the positives. Notice that we don’t use “you” or “your,” we are examining the presentation and then, perhaps, the process.)

Leader: “What else?” or “What was effective about that?”

(Depending on the recipient’s proclivity to think deep and share those thoughts, we want to find several good elements and the impact that they made. The answers to powerful questions should often prompt curiosity and more questions, such as “Tell me more about___.”)

Leader: “I thought that the three slides on ___ clarified the decision for me and I thought it brought the team together.”

(Good idea to provide some affirmation in the form of impact. The feedback session need not be only questions, but includes also some conversation.)

Leader: “What worked well in the process of putting this presentation together?”

(Here we are looking for some critique of the process of gathering information, preparing the presentation, or organizing the meeting, if it hasn’t already been mentioned.)

Leader: “What in the presentation might have been handled differently?”

(Looking for areas for improvement without coming across as too judgmental.)

Leader: “I am curious, for you personally what do you see as victories and challenges about this presentation and the process of preparing it?”

(In a climate of growth and development, we can ask a personal question to identify the growth achieved and the development needs that cropped up.)

Leader: “How will this presentation and the process of preparing affect the next time, when you are faced with a similar opportunity?”

(Just as in a feedback session where the leader is providing the feedback, the goal of feedback is always about shaping the future. If the recipient doesn’t see the same needs regarding future behavior, the leader may need to make them clear in the form of statements, since powerful questions cannot be leading or manipulative.)

Leader: “In the future, how can I support you in projects such as this?”

(Without taking responsibility for the tasks of others, express support and availability for future efforts.)

Such a feedback session shouldn’t come out of the blue. Feedback always works best when in the context of periodic conversations and when built on a relationship of trust and respect. These fundamentals are true for a coaching relationship also. When done well, a feedback session based on powerful questions further builds this relationship of trust and respect. It is a part of a team effort between the leader and the recipient to further the growth and development of the team member.

What other questions might you ask in such a feedback session or how might you word them differently? What skills are you developing to provide this type of feedback?

“Ask Powerful Questions” by Will Wise

While the title of this book makes it sound like a coaching book, it is more about a lifestyle or a process of building meaningful relationships. Ask Powerful Questions: Create Conversations That Matter is a book written by Will Wise along with Chad Littlefield. The book presents guidance for “asking intentional, empathetic questions that are rooted in our natural, genuine curiosity and followed up with deep listening.” Such questions, done well, lead to deeper conversations, better understanding, and stronger relationships.

The book is structured around a pyramid of ever-deeper skills that can develop the ability to ask these powerful questions, and more importantly, to develop a mindset that prompts one to ask questions rather than providing self-centered information or opinions. The pyramid has five levels of skill development that the authors believe to be necessary in developing the skill of asking powerful questions. Beginning at the bottom, or foundational, level of the pyramid, the five levels are as follows:

• Intention (The Power of Clear Intention) – “I am willing to know you”
The authors claim, “You can only unlock the true potential of your questions by first being clear about the intentions you’re setting forth both for yourself and in sharing with others.” There are two levels at which we need to consider intention. First, as a questioner, we must understand and be driven by intention that is driven by curiosity and understanding, not some subterfuge or effort at manipulation. Also, the recipient of our questions must have an understanding or comfort with the questions’ intention. This might be inferred as part of a conversation but might also be a clarifying statement by the questioner.
• Rapport (The Power of Being Present) – “I see you”
Rapport means building a relationship of trust. You might be able to ask a simple, yet powerful question of a perfect stranger, let’s say the cashier as you are buying groceries. But to actually develop a meaningful conversation, a certain degree of trust is necessary. So, rapport or connection is a prerequisite, but connection is also generally the result of a conversation driven by powerful questions.
• Openness (The Power of Being Open) – “I hear you”
Of course, powerful questions are open-ended questions. But this openness, as the third level in building the pyramid, refers to our approach to a question; there is a requirement to be open-minded if we are truly asking powerful questions. This means that we are willing to receive and accept any answer without judgment and without any sense of the “right” answer. At this point in the book, the authors caution against using questions that begin with the word, “why,” and also against using questions that include the word, “you.” Both of these words can easily prompt defensiveness in the recipient.
• Listening (The Power of Reflective Listening) – “I get you”
There is no power in a question if we are not ready to devote all of our attention to the answer. In this chapter of the book, the authors spend some time describing deep or active listening. They provide some powerful tools for reflective listening and break them various reflective listening methods.
• Empathy (The Power of Connection) – “I feel with you”
Empathy can provide power behind the connection. The authors compare empathy with apathy and sympathy and state, “Choosing empathy allows the relationship to move toward connection, allowing for compassionate action. Apathy and sympathy can have the opposite effect and actually pull people apart.”

Throughout the book, the authors identify the traps that inhibit our powerful questions, a potential antidote for the traps, and tools to overcome or avoid the traps. At the end of each chapter presenting the skill levels of the pyramid, there are practical exercises to build the skill. Throughout the book, the authors cite research to reinforce the importance of these skills and offer relational and practical wisdom.

This is an excellent book with very practical advice about asking powerful questions. These powerful questions can assist us in developing great conversations and in building stronger relationships in any part of our life.

“The COACH Model” by Keith Webb

These days there are many books on coaching. Some of them are targeted for the professional life coach, some for the manager or leader who realizes the value of coaching to build relationships and develop team members, and others for the person who wants to build coaching skills as a part of relationship building. We have read and reviewed a number of books from each of these categories over the years. Another good coaching book that I would recommend is The COACH Model for Christian Leaders by Keith E. Webb. It has a subtitle of “Powerful leadership skills for solving problems, reaching goals, and developing others.” From the title and subtitle it’s clear that this is a book targeted at building coaching skills for the leader or manager. But it also presents some great tips for the individual that wants to build a coaching mindset for everyday life. Also, while the book is described as a resource for Christian leaders and is built upon some Scriptural wisdom, the concepts apply to anyone.

According to the author, most of us suffer from what he calls “know-it-all-ism”, the desire to give our opinion, solution, or knowledge. But coaching is quite the opposite. Coaching involves listening to others, asking questions to deepen thinking, allowing others to find their own solutions, and doing it in a way that makes people feel empowered and responsible enough to take action. To interact with another person in a coaching role requires a mindset, a skill set, and a tool set. The first three chapters of the book provide a nice description of the coaching mindset. While the book’s primary objective is to equip leaders for coaching team members, this description of coaching could be especially helpful to people who simply want to incorporate the coaching mindset into all of their relationships.

The central part of this book is a coaching process for leaders to use as they seek to develop people within their sphere of influence. The process is the COACH Model, which includes the following steps:

  • Connect – the connect step has two components. First, engaging or re-engaging with the coachee and second, following up on action items and previous discussions.
  • Outcome – the second step sets expectations for the outcome from the present conversation. This allows both the coach and coachee to know the path that the conversation is expected to follow and for them both to measure along the way to assure that they are on track.
  • Awareness – this step is the heart of the conversation wherein together, with the coach asking questions and the coachee reflecting and discovering, they seek insights, connections, and perspectives surrounding the topic and desired outcome.
  • Course – Having explored and reflected, the fourth step is the development of an action plan. Given what the coachee has discovered through the conversation, what are the steps for growth and development between today and the next discussion?
  • Highlights – the final step is a summary, but it has a greater purpose than just documenting the coaching session. By effectively summarizing, the discussion is consolidated into learning that is more likely to be retained and have impact.

While this might seem like a script for a coaching meeting, throughout the five chapters on this process the author builds further on the coaching mindset and provides practical advice on using these various steps in different situations. He wraps up the book with advice on incorporating these coaching tools in every relationship and in every part of our life. In describing the benefit of using the coaching mindset in all of our relationships, the author says the following:

“In our fast-paced world we too often cut short conversations that require exploration. We’re looking for easy answers that don’t create more work. Instead, encourage exploration by asking questions that will cause the other person to reflect more deeply. Then you’ll find underlying issues, meaning, and new learning.”

The Power in Powerful Questions

Today, the concept of coaching is familiar to most people and many people might describe coaching as a conversation built around questions. But there are questions and then there are powerful questions. If, in coaching, we hope to help others think deeply and find answers within themselves, we must first ask powerful questions.

Powerful questions are those open-ended questions that get to the heart of the topic and cause the other person to really stop and think. A silent pause in response to a question indicates that either our question made no sense, or it made perfect sense, but requires some contemplation and processing to answer.

Powerful questions can be thought of as having two dimensions.

First, powerful questions have a relational foundation:

  • They demonstrate our respect for the other person. Powerful questions are framed in such a way as to show that we think highly of the other person, respecting them in every way as a capable, intelligent, well-functioning creation of God.
  • They demonstrate our care for the other person. One favorite definition of love is “seeking the best for the other, regardless of whether it is deserved or reciprocated.” A powerful question is presented in way that seeks the best for the other.
  • They demonstrate our curiosity about the other person. Powerful questions seek to understand deeply the other person; what makes them tick. For example, they are not looking for external facts but the internal impact of those external facts.

Secondly, powerful questions have a developmental objective:

  • They seek to prompt reflection. The process of considering the question might prompt conclusions and connections that are not evident on the surface.
  • They might lead to discovery. In thinking deeply about a powerful question, they often result in discovering underlying beliefs, values, convictions, or capabilities that the other person had not yet found. The generation of ideas from within is a goal of coaching questions.
  • They should result in ownership. As the other person, considers these powerful questions, they develop conclusions or form a plan of action that is uniquely their’s. Such conclusions or action plans have greater value than any that might be imposed upon or suggested to them.

Three principals also help in structuring powerful questions:

  • Them or Me? Is this question for my benefit or the other person’s? The coaching mindset is a form of servant leadership, where we are seeking the best for the other.
  • Forward or Backward? Is this question focused on the past or moving forward? Coaching is about the future.
  • Building or Correcting? Does this question try to correct the other or help them build? Coaching is about growth and development.

The coaching mindset means that we build these dimensions and principals into the way we think and the way that we interact with the people around us. Whenever appropriate, we serve others by asking powerful questions.

Do you have the character required to ask powerful questions? What are you doing to build that character? What would it require from you to grow in this practice?

 

Here are some other articles on a similar topic: “Ask, Don’t Tell“, “Tell Me More About…“, “Ask Questions Instead of Giving Answers“

Ask Questions Instead of Giving Answers

Bosses give answers; leaders ask questions. Many people, when placed in a position of leadership, view it as either their privilege or their responsibility to provide answers. This might be in the form of directing those around them, or their arrogance may convince them that they are the fount of all truth. They may also view providing answers as expedient.

The problem with being the largest or only voice in the room is that the people around us shrink to their most basic selves. Team members feel less connected, less important, less engaged, and less satisfied in their role, thus the organization suffers through lower performance.

Rather than providing all the answers, a better leadership practice is to ask questions. Whenever possible, tell less and ask more. The questions that we ask can and should cover a wide range of topics. They might be technical or functional questions, such as “How does that work?” or “Are there other ways of doing this that we should consider?” They might be business process questions, such as “What can the organization do to better support you?” or “What are some ways that we could be more efficient?” They might be personal questions, such as “What skills would you like to be developing?” or even “What do you need from me today?” Questions most often should be open-ended, requiring more than a single-word response. The best questions necessitate some thought to answer and open the door to follow-up questions or discussion.

Asking questions develops people, benefits the organization, and builds leadership relationships. Take a look at some of the results of the practice of asking powerful questions:

 

  • Empowers people – Sometimes we are faced with the same flawed thinking from team members in the form of “You’re the boss; just tell us what to do.” In these situations, people are disempowered. It could be a situation where they work with a problem every day and haven’t put much thought into solutions. By asking questions, people are empowered. If we ask questions well, with a genuine interest in hearing their thoughts, we might hear some great input.
  • Reduces hierarchical differences – Too often the hierarchy is allowed to interfere with communications, a psychological barrier for people at a lower level in the organization to voice opinions or add value to a discussion. Asking questions may be a necessity in order to promote the flow of information. The process of asking team members for input tends to put us on more equal ground.
  • Bridges relational gap – Leadership is built upon a relationship. Asking questions allows leaders a route to understanding individuals, demonstrating respect, and building those relationships.
  • Prompts inquisitiveness and innovation – Asking questions that help people think deeper opens up new thoughts and can prompt more logical and analytical responses. By doing so, people are more likely to question assumptions and more deeply examine their thoughts, often leading to innovative solutions.
  • Builds engagement – People are more eager to buy into ideas in which they have participated or contributed. Questions draw out thoughts that become part of the solution and contributors to the solution are more easily engaged in implementation.
  • Develops competence – One of a leader’s responsibilities is the development of team members. Asking questions expresses confidence, helps to develop thought processes, and encourages team members to develop their own expertise.
  • Networks intelligence – Asking questions in a team setting allows for the possibility of the team building one idea upon another. This promotes collaboration within the team and builds interrelationships that strengthen it. The exchange of ideas will lead to more optimal solutions.
  • Grow more informed – Of course, one of the values of asking questions is getting answers. The process of questions allows the leader to gather information from a range of sources. Along the way, the leader also can learn a great deal about each team member.

As the leader it is your responsibility to somewhat guide the ensuing discussion, to weigh the value of the answers, to see that each team member is heard, and to prevent the quashing or domination by certain team members. The leader is responsible for managing the decision process, whether it be consensus development or executive privilege, but the future of the organization is largely built upon the ability of leadership to ask powerful questions.

What is your ratio of asking questions versus providing answers? Do you see the value in asking questions?

 

(Note: This article, or one very similar, was originally published in a monthly leadership blog that I wrote for PolymerOhio Manufacturing Solutions.)

Effective Leaders Know Their Team Members

Building relationships is a skill possessed by effective leaders and it should be utilized first and foremost with the leader’s own team members. Trust and respect are not easily given away by most people, but they are the very relationship traits that must be earned by leaders and team members alike. Only once that relationship of mutual trust and respect has been earned will team members accept the influence of a leader. To achieve mutual trust and respect, both parties must know and be known by the other.

Knowing your team members is much more than recognizing a face or knowing a name. Knowing a person in the work setting means that you understand who they are, what motivates them, their strengths and weaknesses, and some of their personal story. The unfortunate reality is that often managers only learn this type of information through an exit interview. Only after it is too late, do we discover that we failed to motivate a person, or that we never recognized a skill or passion that some new employer will tap into, or that the team member had a personal struggle that conflicted with their ability to perform to our expectations.

In the day-to-day activities of an organization, a manager might not recognize the importance of knowing their team members and building relationships. They spend their time dealing with issues, schedules, meetings, staffing, production, reports, and other tasks that seem pressing. Or they simply haven’t recognized the importance of building relationships as a prerequisite for influence.

A true leader recognizes that you manage things, but you lead people. And you lead people by developing such relationships. One somewhat popular philosophy is MBWA—or “management by walking around”—in which a leader prioritizes the time to observe and interact. A part of MBWA is engaging in casual conversations with people in the organization to develop relationships and a knowledge of the team members. Some organizations have actually incorporated a “stay interview” into their management systems so that they do not wait for the exit interview to develop a knowledge of their team members. It seems that caring personally about the people in our organization should not require the creation of a bureaucratic system. It should be a part of normal human interaction.

The first step to getting to know your team members is to recognize the importance of it and place a priority on doing so. In a small business, the leader might build a knowing relationship with everyone in the organization. In larger organizations, the leader certainly wants to know well all of their direct reports and have a good knowledge of the people at the next level in the organization. Building this knowledge is best done through a series of casual conversations that might be a part of periodic one-on-one meetings or could be intentionally more casual.

In developing our knowledge of our team members through casual conversations, we might want to ask questions such as these examples:

  • What makes you excited about coming to work in the morning?
  • What do you enjoy most about your current work situation?
  • If you won the lottery, what would you miss the most about coming to work every day?
  • If you had a magic wand, what would you change about your current job?
  • What is bothering you most about your job these days?
  • What did you love about your last (or a previous) position that you are missing these days?
  • How would you describe an ideal boss?
  • What would make you most proud and how would you want to be recognized for achieving it?
  • What are the reasons that you might use to persuade a friend to come to work here? Or to not come to work here?
  • Outside of work, what makes you happiest or most proud?
  • What are you typically thinking about on your way to work? And on your way home?

These are just examples and the range of discussion can be broad. Throughout this conversation, a follow-up of “And why is that?” or “Tell me more” builds real depth and value. Obviously, for such a conversation to be effective requires that there is already a relationship of authenticity and trust between both parties. If you are reading questions from a form and writing verbatim responses, then your heart is not in it and it is probably a waste of time. There is also a fine line between developing an understanding of the person relative to the job and digging into personal information where a leader has no business. A leader can offer caring support for personal struggles but must guard against developing emotional attachments that are out of bounds.

The obvious benefit of knowing our team members is that we, as leaders, can help them be both more productive and more satisfied on the job. We can give the new project to the person who hungers for challenges and ask the person who loves the routine to manage the administrative or routine tasks. We can tailor our leadership style to be responsive to both those who desire more autonomy and those who are uncomfortable with the unknown. In the end, we all win through the building of authentic and trusting relationships.

How well do you know your team members? Could you predict some or most of the answers to the questions above?

 

(Note: This article, or one very similar, was originally published in a monthly leadership blog that I wrote for PolymerOhio Manufacturing Solutions.)

“The Coaching Habit” by Michael Bungay Stanier

The book, The Coaching Habit: Say Less, Ask More & Change the Way You Lead by Michael Bungay Stanier, is a toolbox for coaching individuals. The book is written for managers or leaders of organizations, but it has applicability to those in the coaching profession and to people that simply desire to incorporate coaching principles into any of their relationships.

The premise of the book is stated within the first few chapters:

  • Coaching is simple.
  • You can coach someone in ten minutes or less.
  • Coaching should be a daily, informal act, not an occasional, formal “It’s Coaching Time” event.
  • You can build a coaching habit, but only if you understand and use the proven mechanics of building and embedding new habits.

The book is built around a suggested framework for a coaching conversation that includes seven questions, including the bookends of a starting (kickstart) question and a wrap-up or summary (learning) question.

Seven Essential Coaching Questions:

  1. The Kickstart Question: “What’s on your mind?”
  2. The AWE Question: “And what else?”
  3. The Focus Question: “What’s the real challenge here for you?”
  4. The Foundation Question: “What do you want?”
  5. The Lazy Question: “How can I help?”
  6. The Strategic Question: “If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?”
  7. The Learning Question: “What was most useful to you?”

For each of these questions, the author provides some rationale and some advice on application. Also, interspersed with these questions are tips on effective communication in the coaching process and a process for building these questions into habits. In the introductory chapters and throughout the book, the author speaks about the human tendency to be quick to offer advice, so the habit-building exercises are intended to break our advice-giving tendencies and replace them with the habit of asking powerful questions.

The last paragraph in the book might be the most important as the author summarizes and urges us on:

“But the real secret sauce here is building a habit of curiosity. The change of behavior that’s going to serve you most powerfully is simply this: a little less advice, a little more curiosity. Find your own questions, find your own voice. And above all, build your own coaching habit.”

A coaching habit can be of great benefit in building strong relationships and helping those around us to grow. But the prerequisite is to have or to build in ourselves the necessary positive character traits such as humility, curiosity, and respect for others.

The book is an easy read with lots of good content. Recommended reading for anyone that desires to have a positive impact on other people in their lives. One caution that I would voice is that, while the author offers alternative wording for each, the seven questions can seem too much of a script for a coaching conversation. Coaching works best when it is a relaxed conversation within a caring relationship. Therefore, each person needs to take the concepts of The Coaching Habit and make it a part of their own coaching conversations.